bluejay

on the edge of sleep

I am back in the gallery

looking for you

bruised wrists

weighted breaths

 

I wait for you

between paintings

watch your wild

the way the big moon

watches the gentle grains

touched by another and

I bless every one

 

the first time

I don’t stop to catch my breath

you leave me begging

cut yourself

on my broken parts

 

loving

might kill us

both

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paramore

I’ll never be tender

I’ll never be stable

maybe you know this

for I am wilder

than wild

see the spirals

the nape of my neck

I’ll never see you southwards

my raven hair will never resemble

tri delta

running hot

on the inside

and pouring over

everything

I don’t intend on leaving this world whole

when I go

I had better leave absolutely shattered

into millions of pieces

so at least when it’s all over

I can know that I’ve given

all of me

so I’m laying all of my cards out

here

in a dimly lit kitchen

with all of my best friends in the next room

I hope you can see

how much of a mess I really am

I can’t speak in public without stuttering over my words

yelling “I’m a writer! I’m a writer! I swear I’m good at this!”

I’m a total social recluse when I have the chance to be

and you might not see me for a week

but I promise I’ll come back to you

if you touch me the wrong way I might cry

speaking of crying that’s something that I do

more often than most people pee

I hope that you’ll stay regardless

because I’ll take all of you any day

with all of your poly

all of your gross boi

all of your “don’t tell anyone that I actually have feelings, they don’t need to know that”

I’ll take your Brooklyn “fuck you”

if you take my Denver “sorry, sir, excuse me”

give me all of your army

I’ll give you all of my great recession

give me the palm of your hand

I’ll give you the flowers I pressed when I was 15

tell you all about my house that burned down

let your walls burn with it

honey

please never stop looking at me like that

I could swear

that your eyes

are deeper than the mariana trench

and no

no one needs to know that

but here we are

mixing your gentle

with my cold tremors

your chimney smoke

with my ash

the broken vase we shattered

is a full heart

glowing golden

it is all hell breaking loose

it is the sound souls make

when they’ve found each other

the second time around

so if you ever work up the courage to ask me

are we a thing

I’ll tell you

darling

this is

everything