dear ex-lover,

I thought that you should know how often I think of you. The first snow is melting, and I can’t help but remember the snow on the ground the first time that you kissed me. The cold reminds me of you, and I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. I still can’t say for certain whether my memories of you are shrouded in the warmth I once felt from you, or if I’ve yet to remove my rose-tinted glasses.

I fell in love with your handwriting before anything else. Then came your seafoam eyes. Then your hands, dancing along the fret board of your guitar. I still remember how it felt when you ran them through my hair, grazing the back of my neck. I fell in love with your lips, and I can’t tell you how many times since last June I’ve remembered how you tasted, and how heavy your heart was. I could tell so much from the way that your lips felt on mine.

I fell in love with you on the couch in my parent’s basement. I fell in love with you in the backseat of your car – I fell in love with you beneath the lights strung above our heads. I still can’t turn on those lights without feeling your ghost blow across my body.

I fell so deeply in love with your heart, but still – I can’t say that the earth shattered as our eyes locked. I can’t say that the earth recognizes our steps. And how lucky we were to have nothing expected of us.

I couldn’t count the amount of women I’ve tried to put in your place – you keep coming back to me like an old melody, floating up behind vodka sodas and new dance partners. And in the time that I’ve spent without you dancing in my presence, I can’t say that much has improved. I still lock myself in my room and paint for hours, but I no longer show you my paintings. I don’t call you when I can tell that you’ve had a bad day. I just let the feeling pass. Maybe someday, my heart won’t be so inexplicably drawn to yours.

I want you to know that I wish you nothing but happiness. You are one of the best people that I have ever had the honor of knowing – of loving. I hope that you find someone who can give you the things that I can’t, and love you in the ways that I never could.

With the purest of intentions and more love than I could ever express –

avh

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